It should not be this hard to get a fee waiver for sending exam scores to colleges, I think as I’m transferred through the College Board phone tree, passed along from one functionary to the next, each slightly less competent than the last. My journey culminates with Katie, clearly new in town. I wish I could’ve kept talking to Jason. (He was the first-tier response. He was delicious. He spoke with the cool patience of a man who had already spoken to twelve other freaked-out teenagers that morning.) Katie read to me from her binder: “With an SAT fee waiver, you are eligible for one fee reduction on an AP test this year. Are you registered to take AP exams this year?”
“No,” I replied. “As I mentioned before, I took my exams last year and now wish to send the official score report to colleges, not take any exams. I qualify for fee waivers from the SAT and Common App, and the previous person I spoke to in the SAT department said it should be transferable to AP.”
“Mhm,” she intoned condescendingly. “There is a fee reduction for AP exams if you are registered. You can have one free score sent before June 30th.” We continued in this vein until, defeated, I said politely, “Thank you, and have a nice day.”
“Mhm,” she said, and the line deadened.
When I started homeschooling almost three years ago, I didn’t realize how much time I would spend explaining myself to bureaucrats. “Hi, I hope you can help me,” I say. After a long-winded explanation, the administrator on the other end utters the dreaded words: “We don’t deal with homeschoolers in our department. Could I transfer you to a colleague?” Or worse: “I’ve never had this issue before. I’m not sure what the process looks like for homeschoolers.” They just don’t know what to do with you! (It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so demoralizing.)
Yet—
Today I spent eight hours—yes, eight hours—finishing Middlemarch. (You may remember I started reading it in the middle of November. I blame the college admissions process.) The snow was blowing and Dad brought me Viennese coffee. “This is the height of luxury!” I exclaimed in my John Mulaney voice.
Yesterday I rewatched the 1985 film Witness with my parents. It was a more rewarding viewing experience than ever. I realized I had learned German since I last watched it and was able to parse the unsubtitled Pennsylvania Deutsch of the Amish characters. Who knew what the heck they were saying all these years? (The Großvater, Eli, is funnier than you’d think.)
So there are these magic moments. It’s a lot of extra trouble to devise your own learning every step of the way, but the best parts of my education so far have been fortuitous, natural, accidental. Dealing with bureaucrats who don’t know what to do with you is bearable when weighed against these little clouds of happiness.
